Howdy.

I wanted  to share another bit of World of Darkness: Hurt Locker with you. I’ve also seen a lot of questions about development, and about “red lines”, our development editing notes. So, I figure I’ll knock that out, and kill two birds with one stone.

The Draft

This draft is the Storytelling section of Hurt Locker. Leath Sheales wrote it. I dug it and wanted you all to see it. It touches on a bunch of little tricks, tips, and hacks to make your violent game a little bloodier. It’s not about making weapons more deadly, or tracking every second of Initiative. It’s about storytelling brutality, and showing the ripples of violence.

Here’s the draft.

Red Lines

I’ve seen a lot of questions lately about our development processes, and about red lines. So, this time I’m sharing a first draft with my red lines, my editing notes. I felt this was a prime example, because it touches on a lot of topics, it’s a strong foundational draft to start with, and it’s long enough that you should be able to get a feel for how I work. I’ve got a few caveats here:

• Usually, I make a lot of light jokes and whatever in my notes. I try to keep the tone lighthearted. However, this is all about a bunch of sensitive topics. So, it’s not very entertaining.
• This is my work. It’s not every developer at Onyx Path. Just mine. So like, Matt McFarland does things differently than I do. But, I figure some of you might appreciate the peek behind the curtain. Just don’t think I represent anyone but myself.
• I’m going to be super tight about commentary here. This is sensitive stuff, so if things get hairy, I’ll shut it down. If I have to, it doesn’t mean you’re an asshole or anything; it just means I have to be sensitive and considerate of readers, and careful not to let discussion go south.
• This is red line notes. This is what my author will receive. That author may choose to read the forum thread for further thoughts. But I don’t expect that of them.

My normal rules apply. I’ll paste them below.

But, because I’m sharing a first draft with my editing notes, I got the writer’s express permission before posting it. When reading, I’d like you to take that into consideration.

The Rules

• First off, I set up a forum thread if you want to discuss.
• Don’t bother commenting on grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I do bugger with a little of that, but by and large, that’s an editing thing.
• Please don’t reiterate points. I’m not looking for consensus or “votes”. If someone said, “this issue exists”, don’t second it. I don’t want to bog down the conversation. If you have a new point or thought, cool. But don’t dogpile the conversation, please.
• Some points don’t need context. “This has seven dots, Merits don’t go to seven dots” doesn’t need context. But, “This is unbalanced” is not really a point that helps anyone. That’s subjective. Now, if you played with it, and it created a specific experience at your table, I want to know.
• Speaking in experiences is good. If you played with something, I want to hear the experiences it created at your table.
• Please note the positives. This is partly because I want my team exposed to positive notes as well as negative, but also because I want to see what works for you and creates positive experiences. I’m in the business of creating positive experiences.
• Don’t be insulting. Don’t insinuate motives from my team. Just address the material; don’t try to bring in assumptions and political issues.
• If you make a “this doesn’t work” style note, couple it with what you think would work. That’ll help us frame your commentary.