FOR LATECOMERS, OPEN DEVELOPMENT ON THIS CLAN IS NOW CLOSED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS!
Next on the open development tour for Lore of the Clans is Clan Malkavian, written by Rob Wieland. The link to the Google Doc containing his material is here:
Edit: Link removed now that open development is closed. Thank you!
Rob’s under his word count, because I cut some player advice which doesn’t make sense for the book. I have some ideas on what to replace that with, but I’m curious to see if your comments reinforce my instincts, or point in a different direction. I’ll close comments on this one on Monday, July 28th. I’ll put a big note on the document when I close it so it’s clear.
A few things to keep in mind (and I’ll be repeating these points a lot):
Comments only: Trying to open the documents to editing didn’t work out, so I’m restricting them to comments only. Don’t resolve someone else’s comments or mine, but feel free to discuss whatever makes sense. Please keep it civil, though.
Keep calm and carry on: This is a preliminary draft. Things will likely change between this draft and the final book. If you see something weird or that you don’t agree with, don’t freak out and tell the Internet OMG VAMPIRE IS RUINT. Just comment on the concerning area, and I’ll look into it. Certainly don’t give the writer shit for it.
Substance over style: Last time I did a lot of style editing (capitalization, commas, grammar, etc.) in the open development draft. That was ultimately a waste of everyone’s time, especially mine. This time, I’m focusing purely on the content, not punctuation or grammar. That’s a later draft. Don’t worry too much about marking up the manuscript for those concerns, unless something makes the material confusing to understand.
Cards close to my chest: Because I don’t want to bias the discussion, I’m keeping my thoughts on how I want to redline this chapter to myself. I’ll certainly answer questions and help steer conversation away from unproductive avenues, but in general I want to see what you think, not tell you what I think.
Enjoy!
I read this entry and it didn’t want me to go out and roll a Malkavian. And weren’t the Nosferatu the ones who really didn’t care about sect? You read this and you’d come away thinking its the Malks.
There is a bit too fishy taste to most of this, why not make a in-character type text like this from a perspective of Dr.Netchurch or someone else suffering from similar maladies instead of always going the “I speak in a silly way and about licking Prince’s face cause I’m insane” angle.
Also Malkavian Time entry was lacking when compared to CB: Malkavian Revised, missing both the system for sending messages, hearing messages aside from Clan gatherings, hearing Clan mates death screams etc.
The Combo Disciplines and Discipline Techniques as well as Merits and Flaws were quite nice though. Although one Combo Discipline was written somewhat oddly likely missing a sentence from the mechanics side of things, presumably it allows one to give Dominate commands that ask for the subject to act differently than the actual words of the command.
Still quite nice overall.